


Never Let You Go

by Jacrispea



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bunkers, Cunnilingus, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Jealousy, John Seed's a bad guy afterall, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, Mind Control, Oral Sex, Possessive Behavior, Project at Eden's Gate, Quickies, Rough Sex, Sex, Smut, Soft John Seed, That bitch Holly, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-10-30 01:28:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20806253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacrispea/pseuds/Jacrispea
Summary: John's fallen in love for the first time and will ensure you stay with him, by any means necessary.





	1. Chapter 1

"You two are with me," Jacob said, pointing to you and Robyn. 

It was that time again, where Jacob took a few of his Chosen to the weekly service with him to help guard the church doors while he listened to his brother's sermon. You had always been busy when he went so this would be your first time but your friend Robyn had gone before. 

"Yes, sir," she agreed and picked up her rifle from the crate it had been sitting on. You had both been on patrol at the Veteran's Center when he had stepped outside. 

You nodded but kept quiet as you loaded in the bed of the truck and waited as Jacob started the engine and took off for Joseph's compound. 

When you arrived, the road leading in was busy with people making their way to the church. Jacob weaved between them, swearing quietly a time or two and finally parked out front. He headed inside, nodding to the doors as an indication as to where you would be staying. 

"We don't get to go inside?" you asked Robyn. You peeked in the doors to see Jacob stretching his legs out in the front row. Joseph was talking away to him from the front alter. 

"No. I mean, the doors are open so we can listen in but we're here to stop anyone from ambushing the family. Easy targets I guess," she said glumly.

You thought about that for a minute, realizing you were all disposable. The thought had crossed you before of course but it was one you pushed away. You tried to remind yourself of Joseph's words and how he loved his flock. 

"Here we go," Robyn said, nodding up the road as a white SUV pulled up in front of you. Her eyes rolled slightly.

You both watched as the back doors opened and Faith stepped down softly from the seat closest to you. From the other side, John push his sunglasses up to the top of his head and swept his gaze around the area. He smiled sweetly to a few of the followers who called to him and finally closed the door, letting the driver take off again. 

You kept your eyes on him as he sauntered towards you. He and Faith conversed as she held on to his arm, letting him lead her inside. When they passed you, John looked up at you and smiled slightly in his normal rehearsed way but when you didn't smile back, he blinked and kept his eyes on yours as he moved past you. He glanced back once inside as you did the same, catching his gaze again. 

"What the hell was that about?" Robyn asked when you turned back. 

"I'm going to fuck that maniac, someday," you said confidently, leaning back against the doors. Your rifle was held low to your hip, resting with the butt in the ground. 

You looked over to her when she didn't respond and joined as she laughed loudly. 

\---

When the service was over, the Seeds were the last to exit the church. They spoke for a bit at the entrance and then finally broke apart, going their separate ways. 

"Ready?" Jacob asked when he finally approached. 

"Yep, all good," you told him and jumped into the truck bed again. Robyn climbed up a bit slower and sat next to you, putting her legs out beside yours. 

You waited for Jacob as he made his way to the truck but before his fingers grazed the door handle, a beautiful voice called to him. He turned towards John who was standing at the door of the church, presumably wanting Jacob to join him. 

"Hold on," Jacob sighed and made his way over. 

You watched while John spoke to him, lips moving quickly but quiet enough that you couldn't hear. When his lips pressed together again, he and Jacob both glanced back to the truck. Jacob pushed a thumb towards the truck, asking his brother something to which John shook his head. They both brought their eyes to you, fixing their gaze. Jacob smirked the tiniest bit and nodded to John, patting him hard on the back and leaving to meet you again. 

"Everything okay?" you asked when he approached. 

"Good," he replied and climbed into the driver's seat. 

When you turned back, John was still watching you. The left corner of his lips pulled up in the sexiest smile you had ever seen. 

\---

Another week passed in the blink of an eye. Jacob had you running drills with the new recruits and scouting when time permitted. Your time was split between the Elk Jaw and the Chalet for the most part but he had called you back to the Center yesterday, explaining he'd need you the next day. 

"What's the plan?" you asked Jacob. 

"Need you at service again. You can ride in the front," he said as he threw your door open but didn't wait for you to get in. 

"Are you bringing anyone else?" you asked when he started the truck. 

"Not today. Just you and me, pup." 

"Fair enough. Can I ask you something?" 

Jacob pulled off the long road to the Center and headed south, nodding at a few guards watching from the side of the road. He looked back at you, as if he were waiting for you to continue. 

"You enjoy going to service every week?" you asked him. 

"I like seeing my family," he answered, meaning he hated the sermons but went for his brothers' benefit. "I take it you're not a big fan."

"No, it's fine. I mean, I haven't been to many but they're interesting. It's nice seeing everyone brought together."

Jacob gave you one quick nod and then the rest of the drive was quiet. It wasn't awkward for you because that was just who Jacob was. 

Once you got to the church again, Jacob stood by you at the door, telling you he was going to wait for John. Faith was already inside, clinging to every word Joseph was rehearsing for the sermon. She stared at him with admiration but you noticed when he turned his head from her, her expression wavered slightly. 

"I have to go to the ranch after this for a bit. We have to go over some plans," Jacob told you as you both stood at the doors, waiting for John's big entrance. Finally, you saw his vehicle heading into the compound. 

"Do you want me to come with or should I head back?" you asked him. 

"You're with me all day," Jacob told you, watching as John finally left the car and walked towards you. 

His smile lit up his young face, hitting his eyes, in genuine happiness at seeing his brother. When he stood in front of you, he pulled Jacob into a hug and patted him on the back, mimicking Jacob's movements. After pulling apart, his eyes were again on yours. 

"You haven't introduced us, Jacob," he reminded him. 

"This is (y/n)," Jacob told him flatly. "This is my brot..."

"I'm John," he interrupted Jacob, taking your hand in his and bringing it to his lips in the typical charming John fashion. 

"I know who you are," you purred coyly. His eyebrows shot up at your boldness but he still managed to kiss your fingers before letting you go. From your side, Jacob let out a tiny chuckle but covered it by clearing his throat. 

"I suppose I do have a reputation. Shall we head inside?" John asked, glancing back to Jacob. When he stepped inside, John turned back to you. "Will you join us?"

"I have to stand guard. You know... kind of my job," you told him. When he gave you another slightly surprised look, you flashed him a quick grin and turned back to face the road, not waiting to hear his response. You were sure John wasn't used to being talked to so casually but you weren't one of his fangirls. You refused to treat anyone like they were better than you, even if their last name was Seed. 

The music started and the voices of the congregation rose in song, leading Joseph into his sermon. He spoke about the importance of family and relying on one another if everyone were to survive the collapse. When he started going into detail of what would happen to the sinners of the world, you tuned him out and glanced to the front of the church where you knew his family would be sitting. Jacob was leaned back in his seat with his arms crossed and legs stretched out. Faith was sitting next to him with her hand on his arm, whispering something that you were sure Jacob was ignoring and John was busy, turned around in his seat slightly, eyes fixed on you. When you made eye contact, he nodded his head towards the pew next to him but you held up your rifle slightly, reminding him again of your task. His lips twitched slightly at your refusal but was soon replaced with a sly smile. 

Before you gave in and smiled back, you turned again, deciding that was the last time you would look back inside the church.


	2. Chapter 2

"Stay close," Jacob told you as the pulled up in front of John's ranch and killed the engine. 

"I'm worried these people will think I'm stepping on their toes by being here," you admitted as you looked around the grounds and counted at least a dozen people. 

"You're my Chosen. They'll respect you, or they damn well better."

You sighed and nodded at him, knowing he'd never understand your discomfort. When you climbed down out of the truck, you were met with Faith and Joseph who were getting out of their own. 

"(Y/n), my child. Thank you for protecting us during our service today," Joseph said warmly, smiling in the process.

"Of course. I'm happy when Jacob asks me to come along. Your sermon was great today."

"You're too kind," he said but was soon distracted by John walking over to meet the group now forming in front of his door. "John, shall we go inside? (Y/n), Faith would love your company, I'm sure. We won't be too long." 

You glanced back at Jacob who gave you a quick shrug and then back to Faith who was smiling warmly at you. She took your hand and led you into the house without another word. 

Inside, you marvelled at the interior of the house. It's wooden walls and stone fireplace set out a tone of a wooden cabin but it's tall ceilings and beautiful decor screamed John. If he wasn't living in a penthouse suite, you could definitely picture him here. 

"Come, we'll sit in the living room while my brothers speak," Faith told you. Her hand was still on yours as she pulled you gently towards the couch. 

Jacob and Joseph headed to one of the closed doors on the other side of the room but John stopped on the way. 

"Can I get you ladies anything?" he asked politely. 

"No thank you, John," Faith told him. 

"I'm good, thanks." 

"If you need anything from me, anything at all... just let me know," he told you as his brilliant blue eyes pierced through yours again. A feeling in your stomach stirred slightly at his words. 

John crossed the room gracefully, turning once he was inside the room with his brothers and closing the double doors in a dramatic fashion. His arms outstretched to the point where he almost had to mimick a bow to close them. As he did, he peeked up through his lashes and smiled at you. 

\---

The conversation with Faith wasn't nearly as awkward as you expected. At first she spoke about Joseph and his teachings but when she noticed your casual nature, she changed topics and asked about your training and what you thought of Jacob. She wanted to know if you were intimidated by firing a gun and if you were afraid of the Judges. With every response, she seemed to grow more curious. 

"It's so nice to see such a strong woman on Jacob's team," she told you. "I sometimes wish I could be like that. I suppose I've never been though."

"You are strong in your own way. People respect you and love you. That's something to be proud of, especially in the environment we're in," you told her. 

"I suppose that's true. Thank you," she said and leaned over to place a hand on your knee. "May I ask... have you and John met previously?" 

"Once while I atoned, though I'm sure he doesn't remember that and then at last week's service... though I suppose we didn't talk. So, just today I guess." 

"Oh, really?" she sounded surprised. When you asked her why, she told you she was curious but you knew such a deliberate question was asked for a reason. 

You both sat, staring off for a moment until you heard the doors open and the voices of the brothers leak out into the living room. Faith was to her feet in seconds, gliding over to Joseph. He ran a hand over her cheek and let her stand closely at his side.

"Time to go home," Jacob told you when he made his way out. The circles under his eyes had seemed to darken since before he entered the room and a look of stress threatened to crack his normally calm exterior. No doubt, Joseph had laid more responsibility on him. 

"Perfect, I'm starving," you told him and started to follow him but a voice called to you. You turned to see John trotting out of the room towards you. 

"Can you spare a moment?" he asked you but turned to Jacob to see if he would allow it. 

"I'll be in the truck," Jacob responded and followed his other siblings outside, leaving you alone with John. 

His hands clasped behind his back as he took one final step towards you. He was now close enough for you to notice the freckles on his left temple and the curve of his upper lip, all details you hadn't noticed before. 

"I was hoping you might be free for dinner tomorrow night," John told you, still holding his hands behind him and his long jacket. 

At first you thought the request was strange; John didn't know you in the least, but then it dawned on you that maybe all of these silent looks between you today were purposeful. You thought about it for a minute, knowing you'd love to join him but part of you - the part that could be a little shit - decided he was given things too easily. Where most women in the Project would quickly answer yes, you decided to make him wait. If he wanted your company bad enough, he would have no choice but to agree. 

"Tomorrow doesn't work for me but Wednesday would be fine," you told him. It was now Sunday so a few days wait wouldn't hurt him. 

You watched him for his reaction and thankfully you were because it happened so quickly, you would have missed it if not. His wide smile turned slightly and the light in his eyes dulled as his smile left them. But in seconds, it was back again. 

"That's perfect. I'll send a driver to get you around 6:00 at the Center then."

"See you then," you told him and gave him a quick smile before you headed out to meet Jacob. Everything inside of you, told you to turn around to give him once last look but you fought through it and made it outside without giving in.


	3. Chapter 3

Wednesday came and sure enough, at 6:00 sharp, one of John's drivers pulled up in front of the Center. You had gone out a bit early and were brushing at the wrinkles in your black scoop neck t-shirt as he pulled up. You weren't sure if you were supposed to dress up or not, but your current outfit of dark jeans and a plain shirt were as dressy as you got. 

"John's waiting," the driver said as he held your door open for you. During the drive, he didn't say much else either, unless you asked him a question. By the time you were closing in on the ranch, you had given up and sat in silence. When the car stopped, he told you to stay put until he got your door for you but you were already half way out the door, eager to get away from him and the awkwardness. 

You thanked him even when he flashed you a dirty look and headed to the front door. Before you had a chance to knock, John opened it. He was dressed beautifully in tailored black pants and a pressed white shirt with the sleeves rolled up slightly. He looked you over before he spoke, letting a smile cover his face. 

"You look beautiful," he told you. You were sure it was probably only because you weren't dressed in a thick hunting jacket adorned with blood but you thanked him anyhow. "Come on in."

John stepped back from the door and let you walk past. When you were inside, he led you to the gorgeous wooden table he had set up on the far side of the room; with cream coloured cloth napkins, shiny silverware and candles lit in the middle. 

"I'm glad your schedule would allow you to have some downtime," he said as he held a chair out for you, letting you rest against the tall back of it. 

"It's not often that it does. Your brother keeps me busy," you told him. It was only a half truth of course.

John nodded and took a seat across the table from you, picking up the bottle of wine he had laid out and poured you each a glass. After he took the first sip and placed his glass back down, he leaned forward on his elbows and steepled his fingers to his lips. "You're quiet. I have to say, I wasn't expecting that."

"No? Jacob must have warned you beforehand, huh?" you asked him to which he smiled again. "I guess I'm just not sure what's happening here... with this."

"Is it not obvious?" John asked you, raising from the table and straightening his posture. You shook your head in reply. "I thought we could get to know one another. I know it's been awhile for me but isn't that how dating works?"

"Is this a date?" you asked, not really surprised but still a part of you had been telling you otherwise this whole time. 

"Am I not allowed to court you?" he asked. 

You smiled back at his formality, knowing he was again wearing his typical charming mask. He chose to wear it more often than not and you weren't sure if it was for his benefit or for others, but it annoyed you all the same. 

"John, I'm flattered and believe me, I'd like that too but I can't do this if you won't be real with me. I don't care about the bravado, the formality, the manners, this.." you waved a hand around to your surroundings. "I want to know you. The real you, with every flaw and raw emotion. I don't want you to hide any longer."

John placed his hands on the legs of his pants and brushed at the fabric, presumably working out the wrinkles that weren't there. When he finally rested them below the table on his lap, he brought his eyes up to meet yours. They were filled with a look, almost of sadness, that pulled at your heart strings. 

"You are like no other woman I've met," he said quietly. "I can't say I've been asked that on a first date before."

"Well, you're not wrong about that. I hope you don't mind me saying so."

"No, I just worry you'll regret it. But, I'll... try. That's all I can promise," he told you, looking away again. Suddenly, it was like a switch was flipped and the sadness he had in his voice was replaced with an upbeat tone. "Well, I'll grab us dinner then. Sit tight." 

A minute later, he returned with two pasta bowls of linguine and chopped fresh tomatoes and olives, mixed with pesto. The smell of garlic hit your nose before he had even placed your dish in front of you and you were already salivating. 

"Thank you, this looks incredible."

"My pleasure. It's rather boring cooking for one person," he told you and refilled your glass with the sweet white wine he had opened earlier. 

You waited for him to finish pouring, trying to be somewhat polite and then dug into your meal, savouring every bite before you complimented him, "We don't eat like this in the mountains. This is honestly the best thing I've ever had."

John laughed a bit, "I can only imagine what Jacob has you eating. How long have you been with him?" 

"Umm, a little over a year I think," you told him as you shoveled your food into your mouth. You were sure he would be appalled when you didn't twirl your pasta against the spoon you had been provided but when he saw you dig in without it, he abandoned his too. "I don't have any family or anything, so it seemed like a good thing to do."

"No siblings?" he asked. 

"Not here. You guys aren't from Montana right?" 

"No," he told you between bites. "Rome, Georgia, the fucking hellhole that it is. I moved to Atlanta when I could but then Joseph needed me." 

"Well, I'm glad you're here," you told him. He glanced up at you and gave you the most endearing smile. 

"I'm glad you're here too."

\---

The rest of the night, you sat on the couch in front of the fire John had lit and talked about growing up and family. When the topic got too heavy, you turned it to your favorite foods and hobbies, just general things you might ask someone you didn't know well. By the end of it, you knew John was allergic to cats, loved sushi and rare steak, slept in his boxers and oddly enough, enjoyed playing boardgames. He liked the strategic ones the best. 

You opened up about your love of cooking and the outdoors, how you wanted to travel more than anything and that you enjoyed reading and writing fiction. It was actually a really enjoyable conversation and the way he had loosened up made you feel more comfortable. 

"What time is it even?" you asked, supressing a yawn. 

"It's close to midnight," he informed you as he glanced at his wrist watch. 

"Seriously? Shit, I'm sorry to stay for so long. Do you mind asking your driver to take me home?" 

John's expression fell slightly but he nodded. "I'll drive you back."

"Oh, you don't have to do that," you told him. "I don't want you driving back unprotected." 

"I can defend myself," he told you and stood, holding his hand out to you. "Come, your chariot awaits."


	4. Chapter 4

"Thank you for the great evening," John said when you were both in front of the Veteran's Center. You had been parked for a few minutes, chatting away but had just told him you better go. 

"I had a really good time. Maybe we could do it again sometime?" you asked him. 

"Anytime," he agreed. It was dark in the car but you could tell he was starting to lean forward slightly, but not making it obvious. 

The decision was yours to make - you were sure he'd take you right there in the car in front of everyone if you let him, or you could chose to take things slow. You knew what your body wanted but you wanted to get to know him and make sure he'd drop his walls before you went any further. 

You decided to leave the car before you weren't able to stop yourself. Before you reached for the door handle, you slid your fingers over his hand that was on the seat next to you and gave him a warm smile. "Night, John." 

And with that, you left him alone, not turning to watch his reaction. 

\--- 

The next few days were busy again. Jacob had you training the new recruits, eager to get them ready and new ones brought in. Joseph was speaking of the Collapse more and more everyday, he told you, so everyone needed to be prepared. 

Between that and trying to keep up on your target practice and helping the others hunt for food (Jacob always insisted it was best to live off the land when possible), you were completely drained. 

"John asked about you," Jacob told you as you both drove up through the mountains. A new wolf beacon had been set up a few days ago and he wanted to make sure it was working. Normally Jacob handled the conditioning and training at the Center and would have sent someone else to do this but he seemed antsy lately. You suspected Joseph was putting pressure on him, and Jacob definitely had more than enough stress to deal with, without that. 

"Oh?" You tried to act casual but it excited you to know he was thinking about you. You hadn't heard from him since the other night, though it hadn't been too long so you supposed you couldn't be upset. 

Jacob smirked slightly but kept his eyes on the road, ignoring the fact that you obviously wanted to know more. Of course he knew that already though. 

"So...? Are you going to spill, or?"

"Just wanted to make sure you cared first," he answered. "He wanted to radio you to meet up but I told him you were busy."

"Jacob!"

"We have a job and that's to protect this Project."

You sighed in frustration and pressed your forehead to the window. When Jacob noticed your body language, he cleared his throat. You glanced back to see him looking between you and the road, with a questioning look on his face.

"Don't you ever just want a normal life? You must crave it sometimes? I love knowing I have a purpose but sometimes I just want to have some personal time too, you know?"

"I get it. I do," he told you in the same flat tone he normally had. "I've been tough on you but only because I know you can handle it. Things will settle down at some point."

"Yeah, by that time I'll probably be dead..."

"Probably," Jacob agreed. 

"Just tell him what my channel is please," you asked. Jacob shook his head at first but when you reminded him John was his brother, he huffed and finally agreed. 

\---

It was after 11:30 by the time you and Jacob got home. The beacon had worked and you managed to transport four new wolves to the Elk Jaw Lodge for training. 

You now had some time to sleep before you would have to be up early again to do it all again. 

As you sifted through the clothes in your dresser, looking for some warm pajamas, you heard a hum on your radio and finally, your name was called out. 

"You're up late," you commented, after recognizing John's voice. Jacob must have done as you had asked him. 

"Can you meet me? I want to see you."

Butterflies tickled at you internally and a giddy smile flew to your face. You took a second to take a deep breath and calm yourself before answering, "Where?"

"The old O'Hara's attraction. I'm here now."

"Okay, I'll head out."

\--- 

When you finally found the old haunted house he had been talking about, you pulled around back next to John's car and looked around. Finally you spotted him pacing towards the trees. When he saw you, he stopped and headed to your car to greet you. 

"It's late, I have to get back soon," you told him. 

"I know."

He closed the distance and was on you immediately, pressing his lips to yours needfully. It surprised you but not enough to stop you from kissing him back. Your lips molded against his as he let out a quiet moan and threw his hands in your hair, making sure you wouldn't move away from him. 

John pushed you slightly with his body, moving you back step by step until your back was pressed to side of the house. His hands moved from your hair and rested on the wall on either side of your head as he leaned back just far enough away to gaze down at you. 

"I've been trying to reach you," he told you. 

"I know," you sighed. "Jacob told me today. Things are so busy lately... it's going to be hard for me to get away."

"We'll make the most of our time then," he purred and pushed back against your lips again. His tongue finally found yours and caressed it with his. 

His movements were needy but not rough like you imagined. It was as if he had never been kissed by anyone before and savored every second but you knew that wasn't the truth. You had read the Book of Joseph and knew about his past and how he had been addicted to sex. You also knew how almost every woman in the Project eyed him up. You supposed no amount of affection he received would be enough for him though. After his childhood, he must be starving for it. 

John bit down lightly on your bottom lip and smiled against your lips, pulling back a bit to let his eyes dart to yours. When he saw the obvious desire painted over your face, he moved his lips to your neck and worked his way down the length of it. Each kiss grew harder until he was nipping at the skin. You tried to keep quiet but a sigh spilled from your lips as a shiver spiked through your body. 

Your hands went to his hair, running your fingers through it with both of them, pulling him closer. 

"I haven't stopped thinking about you," he told you, his words broken up between kisses. His left hand worked its way up your body and grazed across your breast, letting his palm spread over you through your shirt. 

"Me neither," you admitted. Your fingers trailed down his neck and around to his chest, running over his silk shirt until you felt his belt. Your eyes rose to meet his for permission before proceeding. 

When he noticed your fingertips lingering, he took your hands and moved them down to the bulge pressing against the fabric of his jeans. You pressed against him hard and let your palm linger, bringing and groan from his lips. His eyes shut for a second but flew open again as if he suddenly had a revelation about something. Quickly, his hands went to his belt, loosening it and pulling at his fly. He shimmied his pants down and grabbed for yours, doing the same for you. Before you were able to reach for him, he was turning you around, spreading your legs apart and pushing you forward until your cheek rested against the house. 

John's lips pressed against your ear as he whispered to you, "You're so beautiful." 

His hand reached around your hip and lowered until his fingers tickled at your clit. When you moaned at his touch, he smiled against your cheek and pressed against you, letting you feel his cock twitch slightly against you. 

As his fingers traced light circles, you felt him line his hardened cock against your entrance and push against you slowly until he was completely buried inside of you. His next few strokes were just as gentle but every time you let out another moan, his strokes would deepen and his hips would snap quicker against yours. All the while, his fingers still moving in perfect rhythm against you. 

It wasn't long before you felt yourself lose control and push back against him as you came. It was a deep and intense orgasm that lingered long after the fact, flooding your body with warmth. You made sure to turn away from him as you smiled like an idiot, utterly content. 

Soon you felt John's fingers tighten their hold on your hips and he quivered against you, resting his cheek on your shoulder as he groaned loudly. You both stayed like that for several minutes: John with his face buried in your hair and you with your hands running against his fingers that were still gripping your hips. 

"Fuck," he finally muttered and pulled back, letting you finally move to a comfortable position. You both dressed again quickly.

"I suppose that was worth the drive," you told him, winking at him. 

"I'll come to you next time," he promised. John pulled you to him and held you with his arms around your shoulders, one hand stroking your hair. 

"You're a cuddler, aren't you?" you asked, half laughing. 

He pushed back and gave a slight scowl but finally agreed, "Maybe." 

"Thought so. I.. I hate to just take off so soon but Jacob will want me to be up at 6:00 probably, if not earlier."

He looked down at his watch and furrowed his brows, "It's almost 1:00."

"Forgive me?" you asked, giving him a pout. He nodded and put an arm around your shoulder, walking you to your truck. When he got close enough, he opened the door for you. 

"Be careful," he said softly. 

"You too," you said and leaned in as he kissed you again. This time it was so hard you had to pull back at the end to catch your breath.


	5. Chapter 5

"I suppose you're going to want to come with," Jacob scoffed. 

You stood in the doorway to his office, watching him roll up the sleeves of his military jacket. It was Sunday once again and time for Jacob to leave for church service. 

"I don't have to," you told him. "I just figured you'd want backup."

"So this has nothing to do with John?" 

You blushed but quickly turned your back to him, resting against the doorframe with your arms crossed as casually as you could. You heard Jacob snicker behind you. When he passed through the door, he nodded his head towards the staircase, letting you know you were going with him. 

\---

You and Jacob stood at the entrance of the church. Joseph wasn't inside yet so you knew his family would wait for him before entering.

Jacob stood quiet, assessing the grounds as he always did with his eyes sweeping through the small crowd that was gathering in the yard. He glanced to the water and between the small white buildings that littered the compound. Even when it was his turn to relax a bit, he never stopped working. That was one of the things you respected about him; his protectiveness over his family. 

Soon a few cars were pulling up and from one of them, John rose from the passenger seat. His eyes passed over the crowd until he found you, smiling the tiniest bit with just the corner of his mouth turned deviously. As he approached, he kept his eyes on you.

"Hey, Jake," he greeted casually and leaned in to a half hug from his older brother. He then turned to you, speaking softly. "Hi."

"Hi," you greeted back. You both stood gazing at one another with stupid smiles on your faces while Jacob put a hand over his face and groaned. 

"Will you sit up front with us?" he asked, same as he had the week prior. 

"My boss won't let me. He's kind of a hard ass," you whispered loudly, glancing up at Jacob who was pretending not to hear you. 

John laughed a bit, "I suppose you're right. I'll see you afterwards then. Do you have plans today?"

"She's working," Jacob interrupted. He stood with his arms still crossed, watching you both with the tiniest bit of amusement dancing in his heavily shadowed eyes.

"You're going to work the poor thing to death," John shot back. "You have lots of people around to help you, give her a few hours."

"No," Jacob told him sternly. John glared back at him defiantly but when he noticed Jacob wasn't backing down, he hung his head slightly and entered the church without waiting for his family. You peeked in to watch him plunk down in his seat, tilting his head up so that it was resting on the back of the pew. 

"I take it you didn't play nice when you were a kid," you said, poking Jacob in the ribs. His eyebrows shot up at your nerve. 

"Behave."

You grumbled but left him alone until Joseph and Faith finally arrived, hand in hand. They greeted you and Jacob warmly and then the three siblings left you while they entered the church to join John, who was still sulking. 

\--- 

The service ran late but it was now over and people were flooding out of the church. Most of them stopped in the yard of the compound to converse and catch up with their friends. You watched them for a bit until you felt a hand on your shoulder. When you whipped around, Jacob was standing with John who had a smile once again on his handsome face. 

"I need you back tomorrow," Jacob said gruffly and left without another word. You watched him get into his truck and then turned to John who seemed as excited as you did. It was always strange to you how childlike he could be around his family when otherwise, he was confident and truthfully, sometimes terrifying. 

"Really?" you asked in disbelief. You supposed it shouldn't surprise you; Jacob had a soft spot for his brothers. If anyone could bend his will, it would be them. 

"Come with me," John answered and pulled at your hand, leading you to his SUV. A few of the followers turned to watch you as he held your door open and waited until you were inside before he got in himself. He nodded at a few and took off, racing up the road towards the entrance of the Compound as if he didn't get out of there in time, Jacob would change his mind. 

"Where are we off to?" you asked. 

"Home. I'll make us something to eat and then we can figure out what to do."

You leaned your head back against the seat but turned to John's direction so you could watch him. You took in every detail - his freckles, the few strands of hair that were now brushing against his forehead, the tattoos on his hands. The more you saw, the more you wanted, until you were soon squirming in your seat. 

When he glanced back at you and caught you staring, he flashed you the biggest smile and pushed his hand across the seat to rest on yours. 

"How did you convince him?" you asked.

"I didn't. Give him time and he'll cave... he's not as unfeeling as he lets on."

"No, I know... he's a good guy. It seems so strange though, how different you two are," you commented. John glanced back at you questioningly but then he nodded. "He's so outdoorsy. Do you hunt too, by the way?"

"Uh, no," he said. 

"I suppose they don't sell designer hunting boots..." 

John's mouth opened slightly but then he laughed. The sound that poured from him was light as air. It brought a smile to your face too and soon you were laughing along with him. 

"Brat," he snapped back and squeezed your hand a bit. "We're here."

"I still can't get over how beautiful it is."

John smiled back before he brought your hand to his lips, giving each finger a quick kiss. "Ready to go inside?"

You nodded and followed him in. Before he closed the door, he gave a silent instruction to one of the guards with his hand and closed the door, locking it behind him. 

"Did you miss me?" John asked as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close. 

"So much," you told him, watching his eyelids drop slightly. You suspected he may enjoy hearing words of affirmation so you continued to lay it on thick, hoping to please him. "I've thought of you every second since I last saw you. It's driving me crazy, honestly."

"Oh, really? What did you think about?" he was now placing light kisses along your jawline, trailing to your earlobe and then back down your neck. 

"Everything... The way that you look at me. The way you kiss me so delicately. The feeling of having you inside of me and being so close to you..." you trailed off as he started to suck on your neck, letting out a delighted sigh. 

"Me too," he told you, pulling back. "I need you... now."

His hands moved to the hem of your t-shirt and pulled it over your head quickly and before you could stop him, his hands were wrapping around your back to undo your bra. 

"Can we go to your room?" you asked, hoping to not have to strip naked in front of the windows. 

John didn't reply but took your hands and led you upstairs quickly, pulling at you every few seconds to hurry up. When you neared a closed door at the end of the hall, he let go of your hands and started unbuttoning his vest and shirt, letting them fall to the floor outside of his room. As he opened the door, his hands were on your again, pulling at the button on your pants this time. 

When he couldn't get them off easily, he let out a growl and ripped them down your legs, bringing your panties down with them. 

"Fuck..." he whispered as he took in the sight of you. He held a hand out but stopped just shy of touching you, as if you were a forbidden object he knew he shouldn't touch. 

You stepped closer, pressing against his outstretched hand and crushing his lips with yours as your hands fumbled with his belt. You made a mental note to tell him to lose this stupid belt bucket going forward. 

By the time you got his pants and boxers down, you could tell he was fully erect by the way he dug against your hip, even before you looked down. 

The other night had been so rushed and the sky was dark so you hadn't been able to appreciate him, not until now. You let your eyes drop and linger over the dip of his belly button and the curve of his hip bones and then down to his thick cock, which was waiting eagerly for you. Your fingers instinctively shot out and grazed at him lightly before wrapping around his length. 

John let of a moan and pulled you closer, turning you with him until you neared the bed. He pushed you down on top of it and sank to his knees, plunging his face between your legs. 

At first he started with slow and feather light kisses, letting his breath tickle at you as he went. It was enough to set a fire inside of you as you wriggled under him, desperate for him to harden his touch. When he didn't, you brought a hand to the back of his head and pushed him down slightly until he obeyed and let his tongue drift over your clit quickly. It sent a shock of pleasure through you far quicker than you anticipated and you felt yourself cum against his lips.

When you finally released your grasp from his hair, he popped back up and crawled between your legs until he was on top of you, pressing down with all his weight. 

"More?" he asked as he looked down at you with lustful eyes. 

Before you were able to answer, his hips were snapping against you, thrusting the whole length of his cock into you without warning. You gasped in surprise as he grinned and pulled out slowly before thrusting hard. His hands reached for yours and pinned your wrists above your head, to the pillow above. 

This was the John you had expected - rough and controlling. And though you may like that from time to time, you knew you wouldn't want to give in to him always. You decided to set the tone early and take control now. You weren't sure how he would react or if anyone had ever challenged him before but decided if this was to become anything deeper than the friendship you had now, he had to see you as an equal; for your sake. 

You pushed back as John's hands and then up at his chest, surprising him enough to be able to roll him off of you. In seconds, you were on him, straddling his narrow hips and lowering down on his cock. His eyes were wide as you smiled down at him innocently. 

"Shhh," you hushed him as he started to open his mouth. You grabbed his hands and pinned them in the same fashion he had done to you. Everytime he pushed back, you would stop your movements and wait for him to stop. 

When he finally gave in and relaxed back to the bed, you rewarded him and rocking your hips once again, taking in the full length of his shaft. 

"God, you feel amazing," you moaned, chosing again to praise him. When you did, he tilted his head back to the pillow and closed his eyes for a second, letting himself relax further. 

When he opened his eyes again, there was something different about them, something softer. 

"Let me up," he ordered but in a gentle tone, between his heavy breaths. By the way he was bucking his hips up to meet yours, you could only guess he was getting close. You shook your head at him and dug your nails into his wrists as you held them firmly. This time, John's expression grew more serious. "Yes."

He tried pushing up again and managed to free his wrists but you refused to give him control just yet. Your hand flew out and around his throat, pushing him back as you tightened your grip. John let out the most primal growl you had heard from him and moaned as he pushed up, cumming into you hard. You slowed your movements and let him relax as you continued for a minute and then climbed off, rolling to the bed next to him. 

You both stared at the ceiling, catching your breath until he finally rolled over and stared at you intently. You looked back, trying to decipher his mood. 

Without speaking, he pushed close to you and curled up, letting you wrap your arms around him as he pressed his cheek to your chest.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut... Just smut... 😉

"I need to get up or I'll fall asleep," you announced after you laid wrapped up in one another for what seemed like an hour. 

You had stroked his hair and ran your fingertips over his back, reveling in how close he pushed to you when you did and the little sighs of contentment he made. John kept his arm around you and his face buried against you the whole time, never looking up at you until now.

When he peered up at you, his face was somehow younger. The lines that drew across his forehead were gone and he seemed relaxed. You couldn't help but run your palm over his cheek, pulling another smile from him. 

"Hungry?" 

"Fuck, yes," you told him. He rolled out of your arms finally and sat at the edge of the bed, running his hands through his messy hair. You scooted over behind him and wrapped your legs around him, putting your arms around his waist. You didn't know what it was about seeing the scars that covered his back, but it made you want to hold him. "Maybe in a little bit though."

You moved your hands down his stomach slowly until they were between his legs. He gasped at your touch but spread his thighs wider and leaned back against you. 

"Should we just stay here today?" he asked, turning slightly so he could kiss you. 

You nodded as your lips moved to his, knowing you wouldn't be letting him get far from this bed. 

\---

After an afternoon of lazing around in bed, you both finally got the energy to get up and have dinner and then sat on the couch again like you had the week before. This time, John wouldn't give you an inch of personal space. He insisted on you laying with your head on his lap while he stroked your hair. 

"You're not what I imagined," you admitted to him when the conversstion slowed and silence filled the room. 

"I'm sure I'm not. I can't say I've ever met anyone whose gotten an accurate reading on me."

"Do you blame them?" 

"Well... no," he admitted and stared off. 

"I've really enjoyed today."

He smiled down at you, still letting his fingers comb through your hair. When they made their way to the ends, he pulled a bit, watching for your reaction. 

Your head tilted back against his grasp and without thinking about it, your lips parted slightly. John's eyes danced with something new. He let his fingers come up again and this time as he moved through the length of your hair, he pulled harder. 

"You don't want to hurt me do you, John?" you asked him playfully. Up until this point, you had taken full control of him. He always fought it at first but then gave in and seemed content as long as you cuddled up to him afterwards. But you knew that would only last so long. 

"Only a little." His hand moved from your hair and lingered over your throat, grazing at the skin with his fingertips. When you didn't pull away, he tightened his hold until you moaned quietly. "You're lust is insatiable."

You nodded the best you could with his hand still around your neck. John's eyes grew dark as he let go of his grasp and pulled you up as he stood. When you were on your feet, he pulled you roughly to the staircase but stopped halfway up, pulling you to him. His lips pressed roughly to yours and his hands moved over you as if he hadn't been fucking you all day already. You couldn't understand where his sexual appetite came from but it seemed to be never ending. 

"I'm going to fuck you right here. Turn," he ordered, grabbing at your arm and spinning you before he pushed your upper body to the stairs above you. 

Immediately you heard the sound of a zipper and then fabric rustling. His hands were on your hips then, pulling at your panties as you hadn't bothered to put your jeans back on earlier. 

"John, easy," you warned him but he was busy kneading at your hips. His fingers dug in harder when his cock finally thrust into you without warning, forcing a loud whimper from your lips. He hadn't bothered to prepare you for the intrusion in any way and though you were wet from the knowledge of what was to come, it wasn't enough to ease the sting of his movements. "Please."

You gave you a half dozen more strokes and then stopped but didn't pull out, as if the words suddenly sunk in. You glanced behind your shoulder to see him studying you. His lips twitched slightly but he didn't speak or move, as he waited for your next move. When you didn't respond, he huffed and pulled out.

"Just be a bit gentler at first, okay?"

You straightened finally and took a few steps backwards up the stairs, watching his eyes on you. He had almost a predatory stare. For every step you took, he took one too... slowly following behind you. 

"You're going to grab me aren't you?" you said, laughing at the smile that was creeping to his face. He nodded but didn't move his hands to you until you turned to run. Then both hands were on your arm, pulling you back to him. You managed to get to the top of the stairs before he brought you back to the floor and pinned you. 

"You're hurting my feelings," he said in mock disappointment. 

"Aww," you leaned up and kissed him, unable to see him upset even if he was faking it. "Do with me what you will then, Inquisitor."

"Better," he purred and sank back down inside of you. He eased in a bit this time until you wrapped your legs around him, giving him the go ahead. 

After the first few rough strokes, he gauged your expression and when you smiled back at him devilishly, he continued. Each thrust was rough and it mirrored his kisses and nips to your chest and shoulders. When you tried to reach up to wrap your arms around his neck, he grabbed your hands quickly and pinned them above your head, fingers digging into your wrists sharply. 

"Fuck," you panted as he continued, forcing his way in deeper. The way he rubbed against you was almost too much but it was so borderline that you felt yourself starting to build up to an orgasm. 

"You take that so well," John sighed, finally bringing his teeth away from your neck and placing his lips instead to your ear. 

As he sucked on your lobe, you felt your body spasm and you came hard around his, pulling at his cock until he spilled inside of you with a loud growl. You both laid still with your legs still around him and John's cheek now resting on your shoulder. You brought your hands which were now free to hold him. Everytime you did, you thought of the hardship he had been through in his life and squeezed a little tighter, wanting to protect him from any further pain.


	7. Chapter 7

You woke the next morning to John cooking breakfast, which you both ate out on the balcony. He was in a fantastic mood today and truthfully, so were you. 

He had insisted you sleep with him the night before and even though it was a king size bed, you both curled up to one small corner of it. His desire for any form of affection was like nothing you had ever seen in another man but you gladly gave him what he needed. 

It was now time for you to head home, as much as you hated the thought. 

"Drive safe," John said as he leaned into the car he had lent you, kissing you again. 

"I will. Thanks again for letting me crash with you."

"Always."

You gave him another smile as he closed your door and you started the long drive back to the Veteran's Center. As you came to the end of his driveway, a beaten up grey car passed by you. The driver - a woman in her 30's with pale hair and a pretty face - stared at you as you passed. You gave her a friendly smile but her expression remained unchanged. You glanced in the rearview mirror when you neared the road, watching her park in front of the ranch. 

\---

"Well, is everything out of your system now?" Jacob asked when he found you in the mess hall later that day.

"For now," you winked at him. 

Jacob sighed and sat down at the table with you rather than taking his meal back to his office. "He's going to insist I send you to the Valley, you know."

"No he won't. It's not like we're... well, I don't know what we are but it's not serious."

"Mmm hmm," Jacob said skeptically. He ate without speaking again and as much as you wanted to ask him question after question about John, you decided to keep quiet for a bit. 

When you were both done your meals, Jacob got up without another word but placed a hand on your shoulder; his signal to let you know he wanted you to follow. 

You both climbed the stairs to his office where he showed you the new formula he had been working on for the Judges. 

"I'll need you with the wolves while they administer it, the ones we brought in the other day. You'll be there about a week or so."

"Are you testing it on the bears again?"

"If this goes well. I trust you to oversee the Lodge and make sure things are going well. You can leave in the morning when you're packed," he told you and motioned for the door again. 

"You don't want to hang out?" you pouted. 

Jacob gave another nod to the door and a bit of a smirk. You waved over your shoulder as you left, heading to your room to get packed. 

\---

"What are you doing here?" you asked in disbelief when you saw Robyn again. You hadn't seen her since the last time you guarded the church for Jacob and wasn't sure where she had been assigned. 

"I'm helping out at the Lodge now, with the pups mostly. Been here since the last time I saw ya," she explained as she gave you a hug. "Still at the Center?"

"Yep, but here for a week I guess, just to help out with the new wolves we brought in."

"Perfect, I'll show you to your room," she said and waved to the staircase.

When you got upstairs, she opened a door and let you inside. It was small but would do while you were here. 

"Thanks. I'm just going to unpack and then I'll be down, k?" 

"For sure," she agreed. "I think you know everyone here so you'll wanna say hi, I'm sure."

You waited until she was out of the room before you started sifting through your duffle bag, bringing out only what you'd need for the next couple days and chosing to leave the rest for now. 

On your nightstand, you set out the book you had been reading and your radio. You flicked the power button on the side and listened, half expecting to hear someone calling for you but the line was dead. 

You sat down, staring at it as if to will it to come to life. You were never a jealous type, not really, but seeing another woman at the ranch yesterday had left you a bit shaken. You didn't recognize her at first until you thought back over the scene again last night and recognized her as one of the Pepper girls. They were one of the first families to join the Project and you were pretty sure she worked in the mess hall at Joseph's Compound. 

You tried to think of her first name over and over but couldn't figure it out. The only thing you could do was compare yourself to her - her delicate features and innocent eyes, lush hair that trailed below her shoulders and plump lips. It brought a feeling of nausea over you to know this woman, whom you didn't know, was bringing such negative feelings over you. 

And besides, John wasn't yours; even if you wanted him to be. It was still early but the time you spent together progressed your relationship quickly and you had talked about everything so openly. It was easy to be with him and your need to look after him was beyond anything you had felt before, constantly nagging at you to hold him or comfort him in some way. The idea of another woman taking care of him in that way stirred a rage in you that you couldn't deny.

"Ughh," you groaned and laid back in the bed, trying to push the image of her from your mind. When it didn't go away, you decided to go downstairs to find a distraction.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been three days and disappointingly, things hadn't been going as planned with the new wolves. One of them had died during the trials and two had become so out of control, they refused to listen to their commands and had to be put down. You had all decided to leave the last wolf until Jacob advised how to proceed. 

Now completely spent from a long day, you made your way upstairs to have a bit of quiet time before bed. On your way up the stairs, you heard a voice, which you recognized immediately. You spun around quickly and then realized it was coming from your radio in your bedroom. 

You darted up the stairs two at a time until you reached your room and closed the door for some privacy. 

"Hey, I'm here," you told him when you finally brought the radio to your mouth. 

"And out of breath. What are you doing?" John asked. 

"I was just out for a jog," you lied, not wanting him to know you ran full speed to talk to him. "What's going on?"

"You haven't called."

"I thought there was some unwritten rule that the man had to do that first," you said lightly. Of course there wasn't but truthfully, you had waited because you wanted to see if he would reach out to you. 

"Here I thought you were a modern woman," he teased.

"Or just really rusty with dating. I've.. missed you though," you admitted, biting at your lip when you said it.

"Me too, kitten," he said quietly. You pictured the expression he must have, similiar to the one he got before he kissed you. Without thinking, you closed your eyes and smiled. "I want to see you but I'm needed in the Valley for the time being. There's been some... difficulties."

"Everything okay?" 

"Oh, yes. Yes.. all is good. Will you be with Jacob on Sunday?" 

"I doubt it. I'm not at the Center right now so he'll probably just grab someone else."

You couldn't see Jacob driving down to get you, even though he would know you wanted to go. He had sent you here for a purpose and once Jacob tasked you to something, it was always until the job was finished. 

"Where are you?" John asked. His tone had become less cheerful. 

"At the Elk Lodge. I should only been here another week hopefully. Maybe I'll see you next Sunday though?" you asked hopefully. 

"I'll speak with Jacob," John replied. You weren't sure what that meant but chose not to ask. "I have to go but I'll see you soon. Sweet dreams, beautiful."

"Night John. I..." you stopped, chickening out. You wanted to tell him you wanted to talk to him everyday when you both could but couldn't get the words out. "Get a good sleep." 

\---

Sunday came and went without any sign of Jacob, just as you had expected. Though a small part of you had hoped he would show up and surprise you. Instead of Jacob, you were given a half dozen new wolves to train instead, adding to the time you'd have to spend at the Lodge. 

It was now Monday night and besides Jacob, you hadn't heard from his younger brother either. You were starting to wonder if they had both forgotten you were here. 

Once through out the week, you tried sending a radio transmission for John but he hadn't answered. You wondered what he was doing and then of course, that became a whole evening of questioning yourself and his feelings. Your anxiety levels were rocketing lately and it wasn't a feeling you enjoyed. 

Tonight, you and Robyn decided to sit out on the balcony with a hot drink and take some time to catch up. You had been so busy since you arrived, that you hadn't really seen her. 

"What about that new guy they recruited? What's his name... Diego? Dylan?"

You laughed, "It's a girl and her name is Darcy."

"Oh, well shit. My pickings are fucking slim around here then, huh?" she said, scrunching up her nose a bit. "I just want to have a bit of fun, not a marriage proposal. All these men in the Project are so uptight about their sins."

"Yeah, you're not wrong," you agreed, bringing your mug up to your lips. You stopped as a set of headlights turned from the road and headed to the Lodge. "Who's this now?"

Robyn stood and grabbed her rifle, heading to the edge of the balcony. "We're not expecting anyone."

You cursed under your breath and grabbed your bow, joining her as you watched the car pull in. When the headlights died and you weren't blinded anymore, you recognized the vehicle and smiled. You both watched as John stepped out of his SUV and scanned the area. He searched the main grounds, and swept his eyes to the side of the building. 

"What the hell is John Seed here for?" Robyn asked, putting her gun away. 

"Me," you said, still smiling. You leaned over the railing until he caught sight of you and smiled back with that delicious smile of his. 

As he made his way to the house, he kept his eyes on you until he disappeared under the balcony and you heard the front door open and shut behind him. Robyn stared at you in shock as you apologized for leaving early and made your way inside to meet John as he reached the top of the staircase. 

"What are you doing here?" you asked him. 

"Where's your room?" John asked, ignoring your question. 

You didn't take the time to explain, leading him down the hall to your room. When you were both inside and the door was locked, he pushed you to the far wall until you banged into the long dresser and couldn't move any further. His lips were on you before you could protest and soon his hands were wrapping around your waist, lifting you on top of the piece of furniture and pulling at your shirt. 

"Hey to you too," you gasped as he moved his mouth to kiss you through your bra. He expertly undid it with one hand and ripped it from your body, bringing his lips back to your breasts. 

"I missed you," he said quickly as he leaned back and started to pull his own clothes off. 

As you watched him strip, you pulled your own pants and shoes off and let them fall to the floor. Before you had a chance to remove your panties, John had pushed himself between your legs. He held onto either side of your face hard as he kissed you again, this time, biting at your tongue as it came out to meet his. 

"I missed you too," you admitted into his hair as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and held him close. He was busy pulling your panties to the side and lining himself up to plunge into you. 

"Say it again," he said between heavy breaths. 

"I missed you... so fucking..." you groaned as he thrust into you. It was such a relief to feel his skin again. "...much."

John let out a sigh of contentment and rather than continue with his rough touches, he let himself sink into your arms. You held him tightly as you moved your hips against his, slowly. Neither of you spoke or pulled out of your embrace, happy to be with each other once again.


	9. Chapter 9

"Do you have to go so soon?" you asked him after you had laid in bed for a little awhile and he announced it was time for him to get back home. 

"I have matters to attend to at the bunker," he said impatiently but you knew his frustration wasn't aimed towards you. 

"Okay," you said sadly but forced yourself to perk up and brought yourself into his arms again. "I don't radio you because I know you're busy."

"You are too," he said, finally pulling out of your embrace. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Friday night, meet me at the O'Hara's place at 10:00. Can you get away?" 

"Yes, I'll be there."

"Until then," John announced and placed his lips to your forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

You wished him goodnight and followed him to the top of the stairs. When he started to head down them, you raced to the balcony so you could watch him leave. 

As soon as you saw him get into the SUV and drive away, you regretted it. If it wasn't for Robyn still outside, you probably would have let yourself mope. 

"Nice visit?" she asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively. 

"Very," you smiled back and headed back inside, knowing you needed a minute to yourself. 

\---

"Jacob? It's (y/n). You around?" you called to him the next morning over your radio. After having a terrible sleep, you knew you had to reach out to him. 

"Got some news for me?" 

"Well, good morning. How did we sleep?"

"Ahh, pup. What the hell do you want? he asked. 

"The formula isn't working," you told him. "The original wolves we had are dead and I really don't think we have enough Judges to go experimenting on the new batch of wolves."

"Hmm. You might have a point," he agreed but quieted on the other end for a minute. "Well take care of them and get them trained quick."

You stared off to the far wall of your room, trying to muster the courage to go against his wishes. Finally, you decided to do it quickly before you lost your nerve. 

"I'd like to come home, if that's okay? There are other people here more qualified than me to train them. Robyn and Rudy have been here for awhile and they're doing a great job.."

"That's enough rambling. If you want to come back, you're welcome to it. You know I'd never stop you."

"I don't know that. You're all serious and Mr. Business, all the time," you said, half joking. 

"I've always been fair with you, even when you don't deserve it. And also, you'd never get to the Compound if it weren't for me, so you should be thanking me, really."

"Speaking of which..."

"I'lll bring you along. I'm tired of hearing John whine anyway. Get home soon then."

"What do you mean? What did John say?" 

You waited but were greeted with nothing but dead air. You decided then and there that Jacob was the most frustrating of the Seeds. 

\---

Friday night 

It was ten minutes earlier than planned but you were already pulling up to the old haunted house, looking for John even though you didn't see his car. With him being so punctual, you half expected to see him here already. 

After ten minutes went by and you checked your watch impatiently, you decided to get out of the car and walk around the property for a bit. Time passed and when that got boring, you climbed the overhang to the deck of the house, sitting outside the second story windows. It was fifteen minutes since he was supposed to meet you but you decided to wait five more minutes just in case. 

As you leaned back against the run down shutters, you finally noticed headlights up ahead and recognized his SUV when it got closer. When John got out, he glanced up at you with a pained expression on his face but didn't greet you as he pulled himself up to reach you. 

"Are you okay? What happened?" you asked, knowing he wasn't himself. When he sat down next to you, he placed his head gingerly on your shoulder and let you wrap your arms around him. "John, what is it?"

"I'm _trying_ to stay calm," he started with obvious strain in his voice. "This fucking Resistance thinks they can run around destroying my personal property?! My silos! And now they've killed three of my people. They were good men and women..."

He sat up straight, away from your embrace and let his head tilt back, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He turned to you before he spoke again, anger still in his eyes. "What do I do?"

"It'll be okay. We'll train more people... I'll let Jacob know and I'm sure he'll send some of his hunters to help. We'll crush this before it gets out of hand. Their deaths won't be in vain, John.."

"I was their protector. They looked to me to be brave and to watch over them."

"You did. You did the best you could. We all knew what might happen when these rebels decided to go against us but we all chose to stay because of our faith in you and your family. This isn't your fault," you told him and rubbed your fingers over his knee. 

He sighed and stared out at the stars, and slowly, you watched his face soften and his breaths calm. He looked back to you with a forced smile. 

"You are my anchor," he said as he placed a palm to your cheek, letting it rest there gently. "I want to be a better man for you."

"I'm proud of the man you are already," you told him. Before you could say anything else, he leaned in to kiss you hard. Everything about it was needy, but in a much different way this time. There was nothing lustful in his touch, only a need to connect with you. When he pulled away, he leaned against you again, entwining his fingers with yours as you both sat in silence, just content in your intimacy. 

\---

A few hours passed by the time you told him you should get back home. You had spent the night talking and holding hands, but nothing sexual. You couldn't deny you were a bit disappointed at first but then you realized that his actions tonight told you a much better story. Maybe it wasn't just about sex for him... maybe he enjoyed your company as much as you did his. As early as it was, you couldn't deny you were falling for him but held back because you were sure you were just another conquest for him. Now, you weren't so sure. 

"I'll see you on Sunday hopefully," you told him as he walked you to your truck. 

"I've already told Jacob I need you there," he told you.

"He did mention you'd been talking about me. Which makes me curious what you've been saying."

"My secret," he told you and leaned in for one more kiss. "Make sure you miss me."

"Always."


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm running late. If you want to come with me, you're welcome to but we have to leave now," Jacob called back to you from down the hall. He hadn't bothered to come to your room before he called to you, chosing instead to stand at the end of the hall. When you peeked out your door after hearing your name, he explained what was going on at a decibel slightly higher than he would normally use so you could hear him. 

"I didn't think you were going to ask," you told him as you jogged down the hall to catch up to him. 

"Figured I'd get a blast if I didn't," he said, glancing down at you. "Good job with the Judges by the way."

"Thanks," you beamed at him. It was always nice to get a compliment from him. "I'm sorry the formula didn't work."

"Not your fault," he said, opening the front doors and heading to the truck quickly. "We'll keep trying."

You drove for a bit in silence, as was the norm but then a thought hit you. "John said a new of the followers in the Valley were killed the other night. Do you think you could send some people down to help out maybe? He's pretty torn up about it."

"You saw him again?" 

"Uh, yes," you replied, wondering why he chose to ask that instead of addressing the obvious problem bubbling to the south. "On my own time."

"Hmm," Jacob hummed softly. His brows furrowed a bit but he kept his eyes on the road. 

"You're mad at me?"

"No, no. I'm just curious what's going on, is all."

You laughed at that, "Jacob, are you looking for gossip?"

He scrunched his face up slightly while he flashed you a quick look and replied, "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"How would any... Listen, I'm not going to hurt him, I promise. I know he's been through enough of that already."

"Not just him, I'm worried about."

You thought about that for a minute and were touched that he would care enough about you to worry at all, but then you worried about why he did. 

\---

"John!" you scolded as he placed a hand on your ass, sneaking up on you in the process. "We're at church!"

"And you're late," he commented. He pulled away and hugged his brother who was standing with you, waiting for John to go in. 

"So are you," you shot back. "Plus, Joseph's not here yet is he?"

"I'm here," you heard Joseph announce behind you. "I'm sorry to keep you all waiting. Faith is under the weather, she will be unable to join us." 

"That's too bad. I hope she feels better," you told him. When you did, Jacob gave John a strange look over your shoulder. 

"Yes, as do I. But, the sermon must go on as planned."

John took your hand and pulled you to the door, behind Jacob. When he noticed, Jacob turned and shook his head. 

"It's fine, Jacob. We have guards around the perimeter. (y/n) is welcome to join us," Joseph told him. Jacob gave him a look of doubt but then turned to enter the church, presumably giving in. 

"Told you... he's a push over," John whispered, causing you to laugh quietly, afraid that Jacob would hear. "Sit with me."

"Are you sure?" you asked. You felt uncomfortable sitting with the family in front of everyone. 

"I insist," he told you and lifted your hand to his lips. "Then I can whisper all the dirty things I want to do to you, while we're there."

You blushed a bit but squeezed his hand tighter. While you walked into the church, a few people whispered and most stared. You held your head high, confidence radiating from just being with John and being so public about it. 

Your eyes swept the crowd, recognizing most of them, including the same pale haired woman from his ranch the other day. As you passed, she ignored you but kept her eyes on John the entire time. The corners of her lips turned down as her gaze bore into him. John either didn't see her or didn't care because he only looked at you and then back to Joseph who you were approaching as you made your way up front. 

\---

"I want nothing more than to bend you over and fuck you on this pew in front of the whole congregation," John leaned over and whispered closely to your ear. His lips grazed your earlobe and sent a shiver through you. Apparently he wasn't joking about dirty talking throughout the service. Each time, he of course waited for Joseph to walk to the other side of the church or down the aisle. 

"Stop," you hissed back and slapped at his leg playfully. 

He grabbed your hand and held it to his side, leaning in again, "Or maybe I'll let you ride my cock while I wrap my fingers around your throat. Fuck, I'd love to hear your sweet sighs echo off these walls."

You couldn't help but blush now, especially with Jacob right beside you. He was staring straight ahead at the wall behind the alter again, presumably in his own head. 

You glanced around, suddenly very aware of all the people behind you. When you swept your eyes around the room, most were wrapped up in Joseph's word, watching him intently. The only one who was looking was the same woman from earlier. When you made eye contact, she looked back to Joseph and nodded enthusiastically along with his sermon. 

"Tell me you're wet. I know you must be... you're squirming," John whispered. 

"Dripping," you mouthed. 

His eyes widened and his lips turned up again. You looked away, knowing you couldn't keep this up. You were already ready to jump him when you saw him earlier but all of this talk was doing nothing to help. You figured Jacob would bring you home again after and you'd be worked up for nothing. 

When you didn't turn your attention back to John, he placed an arm around your shoulder and kneaded at it. 

"Move in with me," he whispered again. 

You whipped around to look at him, surprised when you saw how serious his expression was. You looked at one another for a long moment before Joseph made his way up front again and you were both forced to turn your attention to him. For the rest of the sermon, you wished it would go faster, eager to talk about what just happened.


	11. Chapter 11

"Can I just have a minute before we go, please?" you asked Jacob. The sermon was over and you were now crowded outside with Joseph and his flock. 

"Just a little while. I need to get back," he told you and headed over to Joseph to talk. 

You looked to John who was still standing at your side. "Don't say things like that when I can't even talk to you." 

"I figured you'd just scream yes to the heavens and it would be done," he shrugged. "That's all you need to say."

"Will you make a commercial for me?"

"Little Miss smart ass," John look a step closer and let his eyes pierce into yours. "Say yes."

"Jacob will never allow it. And besides that... we're not... this is so new."

A flicker of anger shone across John's eyes but he remained quiet, nodding slowly. 

"John, don't be angry..."

"It's fine. I should be going... lots to do. I'll see you next week perhaps," he said as he backed away from you. 

"Can I see you before then?" you called after him but he had spun around at this point and was walking quickly to his vehicle. 

You sighed and thought about running after him but he was already heading up the road. You watched until he disappeared and slumped down on a nearby bench, waiting for Jacob. As you watched he and Joseph converse, you replayed what just happened with you and John. The guilt stung at you sharply, knowing he was upset. Truthfully, even though it hadn't been two months yet, you still felt strongly enough about him to commit. You knew it would be easier to explore whatever it was between you if you saw one another more often but you were scared of getting hurt too. John wasn't the only one who had been hurt by people in the past. 

You decided you'd give him a day or two and then drive down to his ranch to talk to him face to face. There were so many things to talk about and figure out and running away from it wouldn't help anything. 

\---

Almost another week went by and sure enough, John had been silent on his end. You caught yourself staring at your radio from time to time or searching the faces of any driver that came to the Center, but it was nothing but silence. 

Every day that went by made you more and more anxious and honestly, a little angry. Finally, you decided you needed to see him. 

You told Jacob you would be out on patrols if he needed you and headed for the Valley, ensure of what you would find there. 

Luckily, John's SUV was parked in front of his house when you arrived, letting you know your drive wasn't for nothing. Taking a deep breath and smoothing your sweaty palms over your jeans, you knocked on the front door. After a couple minutes, you finally heard footsteps nearing the door. 

"(Y/n)," John said surprised when he saw you. "Is everything okay?"

"Can I come in?"

He stepped aside and held out his hand, letting you step past him. You both went to the couch to sit before you started to go into everything you rehearsed on the drive there, "I know you're angry, or disappointed... hurt, I'm not sure, but you didn't even give me a chance to explain."

"There's nothing to explain. It's fine."

"You're such a bad liar sometimes."

"Rejection cuts deep, surely you would agree with that," he reasoned. 

"I wasn't rejecting you. There's nothing to reject... I mean... We're not in a relationship, so it didn't make sense to me. But I want to see you more. I want there to be an 'us'" you told him. You had grabbed his hand halfway through and were handing it tightly, afraid he'd pull back.

"I asked you not just for convenience. I meant the entire package: exclusivity, cohabitation, all of it," he explained. 

"No one else?"

"No one else."

John looked at you with tired eyes. The light that danced in them had been extinguished and replaced with a duller blue.

"Then, yes," you told him. 

A smile finally came to his face, wide enough to show his teeth which was a rarity. "Yes?"

"Yes!" you said again, mirroring his smile. 

He grabbed you and held you tightly, kissing your neck once before he rested his chin on your shoulder. He lowered his voice this time, "You're mine."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the heartbreak, my pretties...😣

It had been a little over a month since you had moved in and the days had flown by so quickly. John spent more time at home than at the bunker, which was a huge change. You ate your meals together for the most part, took walks in the woods and quick flights around the county whenever you had free time. At night, you'd both cuddle up in front of the fire or you'd listen to John read. You'd bathe together for an hour or more at a time or make love on the various surfaces of the house. But no matter what you had done that day, it always ended with John laying in your arms until you both fell asleep. He would charm you and whisper sweet nothings to you as you stroked his hair or shoulders, but always without distance between you. 

You would never admit to him but you had fallen head over heels in love over the past three months. When he was away from you, it was like someone took the air from your lungs and the happiness and excitement you felt when you saw him again was like nothing you had ever experienced before. 

Everything was perfect, until it wasn't.

\---

"It's late..." 

"I know. I'll get rid of whoever it is," John told you after hearing someone knock at the front door. You were both just getting ready to head upstairs for the night. 

"I'll be upstairs," you said and headed up. You stopped in front of the bedroom door, curious who it was and strained to hear. 

Below, John was speaking quietly but his voice was strained, "What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you. You've been avoiding me," you heard a soft feminine voice reply. Your breath caught in your throat. 

"You can't be here. Do you have any idea what this looks like, Holly?"

"Because of your girlfriend? Fuck her. We were together long before she showed up and took you from me!" she bellowed. You could tell she was starting to cry by the way her voice trembled. 

John lowered his voice to the point you couldn't hear it but it was think with venom. When he stopped speaking, you heard her beg for him to let her in to talk. 

The door slammed shut and you heard John take a few deep breaths and then his footsteps followed. You met him at the top of the stairs. When he saw your expression, he froze. 

"I saw her at the ranch when I was here before but I never knew her name."

"It's not what it looks like," he told you. 

"Oh no? Than why don't you explain to me what it is then."

John took a few steps towards you with his hands up as if he were approaching a rabid animal. For every step he took, you took one too. 

Finally he sighed and stopped coming to you. "We've slept together, long before I met you. Since you moved in, I've ended it. I told her not to come here."

"But you slept with her while... we were sleeping together?" 

"Yes," he admitted, keeping his eyes on your face, searching it. 

The answer hit you hard and instinctively, you tried squeezing past him in the hall to head downstairs to get away from him. But John reached out and grabbed at you frantically as you passed, pulling you to him the best he could as you struggled. 

"Let me go," you spat at him. 

"We weren't exclusive. As soon as we were, I told her I'd never see her again," he explained. You pushed against him again but he held tightly. 

"I never thought of being with anyone else. Not even once! And you were fucking God knows how many people without telling me?! If you had been open about it... Fuck," you stopped and let him hold your arms, finally giving in. "You kept it from me. If I hadn't overheard you tonight, I still wouldn't know."

"That was wrong of me, I'll admit to that but when I started to really have feelings for you, I couldn't tell you. You would have left."

"I still might. How can I trust you? How many other women were there?"

John pulled at your arm and tried to lead you to the bedroom but you ripped it from his hand finally and stepped back. He stepped to you but you shook your head, causing him to stop. 

"Just her," he sighed. 

"But you were with her before me? Fuck.. did you cheat on her with me? I'm not a fucking homewrecker. I didn't know..." you trailed off and paced. Your thoughts were wild with everything you wanted to say to him. 

"We were never together. I swear. She knew about you..."

"What?! You told her but you couldn't tell me?" he stared blankly back at you with his mouth open slightly. For once in his life, he was unable to argue his way out of something. 

You turned and raced down the stairs quickly, not wanting to deal with what was happening. You knew in your heart, you had no right to be angry; he was right, you weren't exclusive. But it felt like such a betrayal. If he had been honest from the start and let you know there was someone else, you might have handled it differently but as you put in the effort and tried to grow your potential relationship - wanting only him - he was busy with another woman. 

As you hurried to the door, you heard John's footsteps behind you but you didn't look back. You pushed the front door open and quickly closed it, making your way across the yard and down the driveway. 

As you stormed off, you passed a familiar grey car still parked outside and saw the driver stare at you in shock. When she recognized you, a satisfied smile spread across her face.


	13. Chapter 13

It had been an hour now since you left the ranch and you were still walking, taking shortcuts through the forest when you could. You had no idea where you were going and without a weapon, you knew you'd never make it far but you pressed on. 

As you walked, your mind had calmed slightly and you started to think of everything John had said. Again, you recognized that he didn't owe you a commitment before you were dating so you couldn't be mad. You knew for sure he hadn't seen her since, because he spent every minute with you. Even when he was at the bunker, he radioed to check in often. 

And you couldn't blame him for not wanting to tell you once things got serious. He did the right thing by breaking it off... you just wished he had been honest from the start. 

You sighed and finally stopped to catch your breath, sitting on a wooden fence that lined a nearby farm. Thoughts flooded your mind, which you guessed was why you didn't hear his car as it approached. When the car door shut, you snapped your head up in its direction and caught sight of John who was now rushing to you. 

"I've been looking everywhere for you," he told you. 

"I just needed time alone." You hung your head again and let him wrap his arms around your shoulders. 

"I've never begged for anything in my life, but nothing's ever been worth it. I'll do whatever I have to, just come home with me," he pleaded into your hair.

"You need to speak with her rather than slam the door. She needs to know that were serious. You need to make sure she doesn't come back because I don't think I can hold myself back from killing her if she does."

"Of course," John agreed.

"Wasn't I enough for you?" 

"Kitten, of course. It's just... different."

"How?" He furrowed his eyebrows a bit but didn't speak. "John, I need to know."

"It was just a release for me... not sexually, but of emotion. She allowed me to do things that I would never dream of doing to you," he explained. He tried to touch your hand but you pulled back from him quickly. 

"You hurt her..." 

"Yes. She always submitted. I never wanted that for you."

You were now more confused and hurt than ever. She gave him something he desperately craved but he wouldn't open up and ask you for the same. 

"I never understood why you let me take charge. Even when I didn't, you were never as rough as I thought you would be but I want you to tell me what you need. If you need to get your frustrations out, I understand that. I would have said yes to anything you wanted," you told him truthfully.

"You're the only person I don't want to hurt. I can confidently say that," he stopped and rested his fingers under your chin, bringing your gaze to his face. "We were made for one another and you know it." 

His gaze pierced into you but both of your expressions were now softening. You sighed and nodded, wanting to believe his words.

"Maybe I'm okay with that though. Listen, if we're going to be together, then I need to be enough for you. I don't want you to be stuck with me and unhappy in anyway."

"You're okay if I'm... less careful?" he asked. 

"Yes," you whispered. "But not until you've talked to her."

"I will," he promised. 

Finally caving in, you pushed against him and let him hold you as he whispered his apologies in your ear. 

\---

Once John brought you back home, he told you he would send a radio transmission to Holly. You nodded and headed to the balcony, chosing to take some time to relax and read a book, trying your best to clear your mind. 

You were only a couple pages in when you saw a set of headlights turn into the driveway. Setting down your book, you watched as a old hatchback stopped at the entrance and soon the door swung open to reveal Holly. You let out a groan but picked up your mug and sat back casually, watching as she slid out. Even though the evening was cold, she had chosen to wear a tank top over her form fitting jeans and let her hair trail down her back. 

As she walked to the house, she glanced around but didn't look up far enough to see you. You sank back into your seat, drinking your tea and trying to stay out of view. 

When she was at the front door, you put the mug down quickly and headed to the upstairs door leading into the house, opening it an inch so you could hear the conversation but hopefully not enough for John to notice. It took a minute but finally you heard him open the front door and let her inside. You wanted desperately to peek over the upstairs railing to she what was going on but restrained yourself, knowing this was bad enough. You knew you shouldn't be eavesdropping but there was no way you could restrain yourself. 

"I saw her leave earlier, I'm sorry John. You must be angry. Is there anything I can do?" she purred.

"That's not why I asked you here."

"I'm wearing those little black panties you like so much," she told him, ignoring his previous response. 

You felt your face grow hot as jealousy surged through you from the pit of your stomach. You could do without knowing all their intimate details, but then again, you knew this might happen when you chose to listen in. 

"Holly, enough," John said sternly. You smiled a bit at that. 

"How long has it been since you pulled them off of me with your teeth? All I want is to wrap my legs around your face again, John."

"Stop..." John said again but this time he trailed off, making you wonder what was going through his head. 

"You say that but I know that's not what you want. This happens everytime you find someone new... but you always come back to me. She's gone now and this is no different."

"This is different," John told her. "I'm still with her and it's serious. Don't ruin this for me."

"Then why call me here? You've told me yourself that she won't do the things I will. Does she know about your room in the basement? Or that cell in your bunker you designed just for me, so that you could fuck me against those bars without anyone hearing?"

That was enough; you couldn't take anymore of this. Everything she was saying was the truth. They had history and now you find out he was talking about you to her and praising her for being some good little slut that did whatever he wanted? Your hands started to shake as anger pulsed through your veins and all you could think of was running downstairs and grabbing them both. 

You had been such a fool to think he'd ever be happy with just you. 

You let the door slam shut and raced down the balcony stairs to the lawn below, digging for your truck keys as you went. You knew you had to get away from all of this before it was too late and you ended up getting hurt worse than you were now. And you couldn't trust yourself not to be charmed by John yet again.

As you hopped into the truck, you heard the front door fly open and John calling after you but you closed your door and sped off as quickly as you could, kicking up dust and dirt as you went. Tears of sadness and anger rolled down your face and a sob escaped your throat. 

You looked back in the rearview mirror to see John standing in the driveway, watching you leave. You knew it would be the last time you would ever see him again.


	14. Chapter 14

"(y/n)," John called out to you over the radio that was sitting on your passenger seat. His voice sounded shaken but you refused to answer it. "Dammit, answer me." 

You waited a few minutes, still pulled over on the side of the road, waiting for the tears to stop before you continued on. He called out for you over and over, until finally you couldn't take it anymore. 

"I'm leaving Hope County," you said, not adding anything else. 

"No, you're fucking not," he hissed back. There was silence on the other end for a moment while he presumably composed himself because when he came back, his tone had calmed. "Let's talk about this. Come back home." 

"No, I'm done. She's right... you'll never be truly happy with someone like me. I have to end this before I get hurt," you told him, figuring he deserved a bit of an explanation. "Good bye, John."

"She's not right," he argued. When you didn't reply he came back with venom in his voice again. "You don't get to fucking leave me like that. Turn around. Now."

You turned the radio off, unable to hear his voice any longer. Placing the key back in the ignition again, you turned the truck on and continued down the road to the nearest exit, knowing there would be a roadblock but confident you'd get through. The guards in the Valley all knew one another so they would know who you were. 

After roughly a ten minute drive, your tears had dried up and you were now nearing the roadblock ahead, just as you expected. When the guards noticed you, one of them held out a hand for you to stop. You rolled down the window, recognizing the lanky blonde who was approaching the truck. 

"Claude, how's it going?" you asked, trying to sound chipper. 

"Hey, been a while. Going the wrong way though aren't ya?" he asked as he peeked inside. 

Your brain scrambled for an excuse, not thinking about this beforehand. Finally you came up with a half assed one, "John's out of wine. You know how he gets when he doesn't get what he wants. I'm just driving to the city to pick some up."

"Typical. We'll get these barricades moved so you can get by. I'll grab the trucks but do you mind hauling the wooden barriers over to the side of the road there?" he asked, pointing to the other side of your truck. 

"No problem," you told him, killing the engine and hopping out to help. 

You grabbed the barricade and started hauling it to the side of the road, surprised at the weight of it and thankful when you were almost to the grass with it. Before you were able to push it onto the grass, you heard heavy footsteps behind you and turned to see Claude and the other guards surrounding you. 

"What's wrong?" you asked but they were already on you, all four of them holding your limbs as you thrashed and kicked at the ground. "What the fuck!"

Before you could move any further, your gun and hunting knife were pulled from their holster and thrown to the side of the road. Claude nodded to the truck on the other side of the road and they pulled you towards it. 

"I'm so sorry to do this," Claude told you. "John's orders." 

"What orders? Where are you...?" you stopped as you dug your feet into the ground, trying to slow them but ultimately four men together were a lot stronger than you. Finally, you gave in and just let them lead you to the open door. Before you were pushed inside, you were handcuffed and bound at the ankles. 

\---

It soon became apparent where they were taking you when the truck headed up the long road towards John's bunker. As much as you reasoned with the other guards, they only apologized and kept their eyes off of you. You knew they pitied you but were also painfully aware of what would happen to them if they disobeyed John. 

When you pulled up outside the doors, you were helped inside and down the stairs to a waiting cell in one of the far corners of the bunker. It had a mattress on the floor and a toilet in the corner but nothing else. 

Your ankles were freed but the handcuffs were kept on you. They apparently knew you well enough to know you'd fight against them for your freedom if given the chance. Now it was just you in an empty cell, waiting for John to come and explain himself.


	15. Chapter 15

It wasn't long before you heard the click of John's designer shoes making their way down the hall. Normally that would have brought a bout of excitement to you but you were so disgusted with being brought here against your will that the thought of seeing him now turned your stomach. 

When he rounded the corner and your eyes met, you turned your back to him, refusing to acknowledge his presence. 

"I know you must be furious but we needed to talk," he said calmly. 

You stood in place, not even flinching a muscle. You refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing your face or hearing your voice. He'd be waiting a long time for that, you decided. John called out to you twice from behind you but when you refused to turn around, you heard him let out a huff and then the sound of his hands wrapping around the bars echoed through the cell. 

"We're not over," he told you, his voice pitching. "If I have to keep you in this cell for the rest of your life, so be it."

"That's mature of you," you spat back, breaking your own rule but unable to stop yourself from yelling back. "That's your fucking plan? To keep me locked up until I... well, until what? Until I tell you I won't leave?" 

"You're wrong about everything. Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. I heard what she said and she's right. She's fucking right, okay?! I refuse to get invested in this, only to have you go back to her or cheat on me or whatever will happen... but it will happen, won't it?" 

"It won't," he told you. 

"No? And why's that, John? Cause when I started sleeping with you, I didn't think about going to anyone else but you did. I was never enough. So tell me why you won't go back to her again."

"Because I fucking love you!" he roared back before he pushed himself back from the bars. 

"I don't believe that," you told him, quieter this time. 

He looked up at you but didn't say a word as he stormed back down the hall, away from you. 

\---

Two days passed before you saw John again though the echoed screams from down the hall told you he was still nearby. When he finally showed himself again, he was more composed this time and held the usual fake smile he adorned when he was trying to hold it together. 

"You need to give me space," you told him. You were sitting on the soiled mattress in the corner, picking at a loose thread when he came and refused to maintain eye contact with him. He was a charmer and you didn't trust yourself to not get sucked back in. 

"How do I do that?" he asked. He corrected himself by adding, "Without you leaving?"

"If I leave, I leave. I need to get away and clear my head. And yes, maybe there's a possibility that I won't come back but you can't make that decision for me."

John sighed and stared at the floor for several minutes.

"In Atlanta, before all of this," he said waving his hand around. "I saw a therapist twice a week. I convinced myself that's what normal people did bit so guess I was hoping for some way to cope. Do you know what they told me? I have abandonment issues. I'm emotionally attached to the past. That was the last time I ever stepped foot in their office. All I've ever wanted was for the people in my life to abandon me, to free myself from their clutches. Everyone except for my brothers. I've never loved another soul, did you know that?" 

"John, you don't need to do this..."

"They told me I have an addictive personality... something about craving human connection and replacing it with substance. I ignored most of it, but maybe that much was true. I slept with anyone I could... more than one or two at a time even. Any drug I could get my hands on, became a crutch. I was beyond help until Joseph found me. I pledged to him that I would never fall back into that lifestyle again, that I would let my addictions lay where they were. And for the most part I did, but you... You came along with this ability to see past the darkness in me and you became my new addiction. Your touch, your voice, your scent... I'm nothing without it. How can I let you leave when I depend on you?"

"So that's all it is?" you asked, unsure of what he was truly feeling. He had told you he loved you yet now he was making it sound like an obsession or an infatuation he had. 

"That's how I love, I suppose. I have the same addiction to my family... well, different of course but the same in so many ways. I can't imagine my life without them and now the same is true about you. I was being truthful the other day," he said as he rested on his knees and pushed himself to the bars, holding out a hand to you.

"I love you too," you admitted, lowering your head to your chest. "But I need time. Please, John. Just let me out to have some time. I can't get past this jealousy I have..."

"What can I do? Do you want her killed? I'll do it myself..." John offered, watching you with pleading eyes. It was so unlike him that it broke your heart to see it.

"Jesus! No. I don't want her killed," you said, though a small part of you was tempted to encourage the thought. "I need to work this out myself and I need to do it before I can move on... with you."

John pulled his outstretched hand back from the bars and pushed to his feet. "I can't let you go."

Before you were able to argue with him, he left as quickly as he came in. From far down the hall, you heard him scream but then the halls went silent again.


	16. Chapter 16

Days went by and desperation was starting to set in. You traced the walls with your fingers, inspected behind the toilet, nudged the tiles on the floor; looking for something to help you break out. Your handcuffs were removed by one of the guards through the bars in the cell but you were still a prisoner and the knowledge of that was slowly drilling its way deep into your brain. Your anger burned into you with every hour that passed and each time John came to see you, you turned away from him and ignored everything he had to say. The first few days he was pleading but now he was impatient and as he spit his words at you, you could hear him start to crack. 

You couldn't believe it had come to this. After everything you had been through and after him telling you he loved you, yet he still locked you up. It was a level of disrespect you wouldn't forget. 

It had been well over a week and today, you listened to the same familiar footsteps tread down the corridor. You noticed today they were accompanied with a softer set. You turned when they approached, curious. When you saw Jacob with John, your heart sank. 

"What are you doing here?" you asked Jacob as he stood at the cell door with a slight tinge of pity drawn across his stoic face. 

He ignored you and turned to John, waiting instructions. John nodded towards his brother and took a step back from the bars, keeping his eyes lowered. 

"Pup, this will be easier if you cooperate. You understand," Jacob told you. He held out a pair of handcuffs, letting you know he expected you to put them on. "I'm taking you with me."

Realization set in then as you looked between the brothers' faces. John looked up at you momentarily but turned to walk back through the corridor he had come, leaving you alone with Jacob. He hadn't said it but you knew in your heart what this meant.

"No, no, no, no, no..." you chanted and then yelled down the hall to John. "Don't do this! John, don't fucking do this to me!"

He didn't flinch or react in any way so you threw yourself at the bars, continuing to yell at him. You couldn't imagine a worse fate than losing your free will, and here Jacob was to take that from you. John had decided you would love him, one way or another. 

"John! Stop this!! Fuck, if you love me, you won't do this!" you continued to yell as you thrashed against the cell doors hoping it may finally spring free but knowing it wouldn't. "Please! John, please!" 

"(Y/n)," Jacob said calmly, trying to force composure on you. You turned to him with pleading eyes, hoping he would feel your plight. Jacob had always been fair and maybe even had a soft spot for his Chosen. 

"Jacob, please don't do this. You know how I feel about it."

"I have a duty to my family," he told you but you could tell he didn't feel right about it from the way he refused to make eye contact with you. 

"You're also a man of honour, I know that. If you do this, you're allowing your brother to hold me against my will... It'll be rape, do you understand that?"

Jacob's eyes shot up to yours and widened slightly at that word. He had commited many sins in his life, too many to name, but you didn't suspect he had ever done that nor would he condone it. He watched you for a minute while he pondered but then added, "But you love him, don't you? You would have gone back to him."

"Maybe before he held me captive. At first, I understood it... I tried to. He just wanted the chance to talk, I told myself that but that was almost two weeks ago. This isn't love, Jacob. This is control and possession. I would never go back to him now, even though I love him. This is toxic," you tried desperately to break through his exterior and let him see the light but he refused, shaking his head and telling you again to cuff yourself. You decided to switch tactics. "Jacob, please... I've stuck by you since day one. I joined on my own, because of you. I would give my life for you... you're my family."

He sighed and folded his arms over his chest but stared at the far wall in your cell as he waited. You waited a minute but when he didn't move, you knew there was no reasoning with him. You placed the cuffs on, letting them snap shut and held them out for Jacob to test before he unlocked the door and led you through the halls of the bunker. When you passed the room you knew John would be in, most likely watching you on his security monitors, you yelled to him one last time. You wanted him to know your feelings before you became his mindless puppet. 

"John, I hate you for this! I will always fucking hate you!"

\---

As you drove through the mountains, your mind raced at how your could get out of this. You knew once you were at the Veteran's Center, there would be no escape. 

Passing by all the familiar landmarks you had once loved so much, your body and mind screamed at you until your sense of survival kicked in and you finally knew what had to be done. 

You watched the road until it started to wind into a tight bend and reached over quickly, pulling the steering wheel from Jacob's hands. You pulled sharply to the right and watched as the truck turned to the trees on the shoulder on the road. Jacob steered the truck back to the road but it was too late. Soon you were sent into a large pine, as the metal of the truck's frame crumpled around it. Jacob hit the steering wheel hard - never being one for seatbelts - and in those couple moments where he sat trying to shake it off, you reached into his pocket and grabbed the key for your hand cuffs. As soon as your fingers were on them, you were off; sprinting for the trees as quickly as your body would allow. You knew you'd only have a minute before Jacob would be tearing through the forest after you. He was faster than you, more agile and he knew these woods like the back of his hand. You were at a definite disadvantage.


	17. Chapter 17

You raced down the embankment, weaving between the trees. Branches swiped at you as you passed them, scratching at your face and catching in your hair. 

But you didn't slow. 

You refused to stop running, even when your lungs felt like they were moltan lava. As you reached the thinning of the trees, you saw the road before you and knew it would either be your salvation or your undoing. 

As you burst into the clearing, you waited, glancing back and forth frantically. By some stroke of luck that was unphathomable to you, a middle aged woman on a quad came zipping down the road. She didn't wear the normal hunting jackets or ski masks of Jacob's Chosen nor did have the patches worn by many of the Project members. She would be easy prey if you had to end up fighting her for the bike.

As she approached, you threw your arms up over your head, waving your cuffed wrists so she could see. All the while, you screamed for help, knowing Jacob would hear but that wouldn't matter. He'd be able to track you regardless. 

As she slowed the bike, you let the tears you had pent up spill down your cheeks, "Please... it's Jacob and... hunters... They'll kill me if they find me. I need to get out of here fast. He's close."

"Get on quick," she ordered and sped off down the road with you clinging to the back of her jacket the best you could. 

You turned around instinctively but of course you didn't see Jacob; he was smarter than that. 

\---

"I have to leave you here. I'm sorry but I can't do much else to help except give you this," your new friend told you as she handed you a pocket knife. "Your best bet is to get out of these mountains as fast as you can. I guarantee that motherfucker will be pissed to know you escaped." 

"You have no idea," you agreed. "Thank you. I owe you my life." 

"Don't mention it. Just run." 

She drove off then, leaving you on one of the dirt roads leading up the mountain near the Holland Border. She must have intended for you to run in that direction but little did she know that was the last place you wanted to go. 

You snuck into the trees, trying to hide the best you could and finally undid your cuffs, rubbing the chafed skin under it tenderly. You knew you should run but you were so emotionally drained and your mind refused to shut down. You decided to sit for a quick minute and think of the next steps. 

Running to the Valley was not an option but maybe you could hide in the Henbane. Faith would know all too well what it was like to be forced into something. Maybe she would help. She may turn you over too, afraid of what Joseph would do to her if he found out she went against the family but it was a risk you'd have to take. You had no other option. 

\---

Nightfall came slowly but you decided it would be best to travel in the dark, though you weren't sure that would even help. Jacob's hunters were silent and could navigate these mountains easily. They may even have eyes on you now. 

You stood finally and assessed your surroundings, searching for anyone who may be tailing you. A wave of uncertainty washed over you but you weren't sure if it was from fear or intuition and decided to get a move on. 

Unfortunately you hadn't even taken ten steps before a low whistle rang through the trees. Your heart pounded, knowing that could only mean the Judges were close. The nearby trees held branches too high for you to reach and running would be useless so you readied your pocket knife and waited. You knew of course that Jacob didn't intend to kill you; it wasn't what his brother wanted, but you could never trust the beasts he experimented on to follow his commands. There were always a few who went rogue. 

As you watched the trees, the eerie sound of howls surrounded you, closing in until you saw their glowing eyes sparkle in the nearby brush. You counted eleven pairs before you noticed their alpha step towards you, holding up a hand to let them know to wait. 

"Don't run again," Jacob ordered. 

"I had to try. Look, I'll go back to him okay? I'll pretend you brainwashed me... I'll never leave. I promise. Jacob, please don't make me beg."

"What would be the difference then? You'd still be in the same situation," he asked you.

"I would be, but at least I'd be in control of that. It would be my choice. At least I'd have that."

Jacob softened his expression and crossed the distance between you. When he was close enough, he laid both hands on your shoulders and gave you a strange smile that didn't meet his eyes, "Okay then."

Your eyes widened when you heard the words come from his lips. Before you could stop yourself, you smiled so brightly it felt uncomfortable. "Thank you. Jacob... Thank you."

He nodded, but not at you, you noticed. At the exact moment you realized his eyes had shifted behind you, you felt a sting in your shoulder and soon the bliss washed through your body. It numbed your worries and let you slip to your knees peacefully as you felt Jacob's strong hands around your ribs, holding you up.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! Hope everyone enjoyed it :) 
> 
> I haven't forgotten about everyone who has given me suggestions for other stories, I promise! I'm working in them now.

One month later

\---

"A few more flowers and you'll be ready," Faith told you as she pinned tiny white flowers in the back of your hair where she had pinned some of it back. "Yes, that's beautiful. You look like an angel." 

She stepped back and assessed your hair and the white dress she had loaned you, which was longer than her normal everyday dresses of course. This one was adorned with beautiful lace overlay flowing behind you and tight lace sleeves, which touched your elbows. 

You both stood back and took in the beauty of the church in front of you. She had decorated it with flowers in pinks and white and a long carpet was rolled out to the stairs; scattered petals everywhere. When the music began, Faith held her bouquet and handed you yours with a bright smile. 

"Are you ready?" she asked. 

"Yes, so ready," you told her, smiling back. 

Faith nodded and headed for the church doors, opening them widely and stepping inside and down the aisle. She smiled at every person she passed. When she was finally to the front and had taken her place on the opposite side of Jacob, you took your cue and stepped gracefully into the church. A low whisper echoed through the crowd as they stood, all smiling at you as you made your way past them. But your gaze was fixed to the front of the church, to a beaming John Seed who stood with his hands clasped in front of him until you were near enough for him to take your hand. 

"You're so beautiful," he told you, running his fingers over your knuckles. 

He was impeccable dressed today, to no one's surprise. His designer shoes sparkled and his suit was pressed and tailored perfectly to his body, hugging him delicately.

"You look so handsome," you whispered back to him as Joseph settled the crowd down, asking them all to take a seat. 

"My children, we are gathered here today to witness the union of my brother and his lovely bride. In the midst of war, they managed to find one another and stay faithful and true to their love through it all. We all know these are trying times and for something so beautiful to come from that, is a true blessing and a testament of God's plan," Joseph started.

You watched John, keeping your eyes on his as the service went on. Both of you smiled like idiots, full of happiness and love. When it came time to recite the vows, John chose to say his own words, "(y/n), I admit I am a difficult and an impatient man. Any person here can testify to that, but you saw through that even in the beginning. You gave me affection and a love that knew no judgement when I only dreamt that one could exist. You understand me and make me want to be a better man with each passing moment and I promise to try everyday to be the husband you need and deserve. I promise to love and honour you in every way I can and to cherish you for the rest of my days."

You held his hands tighter as he finished and let him bring them to his lips to kiss your fingers. When Joseph let you know it was your turn, you took your time, trying to remember the words you had practiced.

"John, from the moment I saw you, I knew this day was in our future. We both have so many flaws but were able to see each other for who we truly are and I'm so grateful for that. You're my best friend, and my protector. You're the person I run to when I'm weak and I depend on you, knowing you'll never let me down. I love you more with each passing moment and promise that will never waver. I promise to be faithful and loyal to you and give you all of the love in my heart, until my dying breath."

John's smile widened and you found yourself smiling back, matching his. When you had both said your "I do's", Joseph announced it was time to make it official and kiss. As you leaned into John's waiting arms, you felt the knot that had been growing in your stomach tighten and flex and a wave of nausea wash over you when your lips finally met. John continued to hold you in place, moving his lips against yours as the crowd cheered and clapped and finally, Joseph laid a hand on both of your shoulders, cutting things short.

"Welcome, my sister, to our family," Joseph said warmly as he hugged you. 

When Jacob and Faith had done the same, John led you down the aisle, back outside to the car he had waiting to take you back home. As the driver opened the backdoor and let you both slide inside, John turned to you from his seat next to you.

"I know this isn't what you wanted but I'll make you happy. I promise you, he told you, running a hand over your cheek. 

You reached out and held it, letting it linger on your skin. "John, this is all I've ever wanted. I love you more than anything."

He smiled and laid his head on your shoulder as you drove off. You smiled as you looked down at him but inside you were screaming, desperate to break out of the silent prison he had put you in for the rest of your life.


End file.
